I’ve been contemplating this post for quite some time and I often wonder about others like me. The question of beginning your travel life AFTER you have a family or after a certain age when it’s a little bit unorthodox to jump into a new life of wandering. So so many people ask me “Why do you like to travel so much?”. Of course I find this an odd question, but I suppose there are people who don’t. The fact that I began at this time in my life is not what most would call normal. Most people sow their wild oats when they are young, backpacking after college, studying abroad, etc. and probably always travel throughout
their lives, but I did things a bit in reverse. I was raising three kids and had two long term relationships that failed spectacularly. I was in the middle of the second one of those failing relationships when I decided to change my course, grab my happiness, and satisfy my soul. It had never been a priority, but I wasn’t getting any younger, so what the hell. This means juggling a schedule for the kids while I am gone, enlisting very supportive friends to help, and navigating a somewhat incredulous ex who doesn’t always quite understand my need to go. But it CAN, and does get done.
I didn’t have a passport until 4 years ago. I turned 40 this year. Oddly enough I feel younger than I have in years. I am always aware in the back recesses of my mind that I am older than the average solo traveler. It means the people I meet are often younger than I am. Most of the time it never occurs to me that this might be strange. Until some well meaning person starts to question me. People can’t wrap their heads around two aspects: 1. that I actually ENJOY traveling alone (yes “even as a female”), and 2. that I am beginning later in life (hey I am far from
geriatric people!). They ask “Why didn’t you wait til the kids were grown?”, “Don’t you miss your kids”? “Don’t they miss you?”, when I was married “your husband LETS you go?”, after I was separated “How does your ex manage taking care of the kids alone?” (this one kills me. Apparently men are incompetent with child care? psh), “You’re really going ALONE?”, “Is that safe?”, “Do you feel like you are too old to just take off?”. “You’re so lucky you can do that, I would never be able to leave the family/work/commitments, whatever.”After these questions I will occasionally reevaluate my choices. I begin to feel guilty. Am I wrong? Selfish? Will my wandering leave a void in the kids’ bond with me? What I come up with is, I have NO choice. None. I have to live my life the way I have for the last 4 years.
It makes me a more complete person, a more educated person (which in turn makes me a better, more understanding person), it fills my soul, and finally gives me a really tangible happiness. Am I wrong or selfish? I really don’t know. I know it’s not what most of the women I know would do. But I have always been the square peg in a round hole (or is it the other way around). I do know that by witnessing my travels my girls already have a more independent spirit than I even had at 30. They are already planning which foreign city they will study and then live in. Lucky girls! They plan trips in their heads and both my older girls have already traveled. My oldest to Cuba, Paris, and England, my middle one to Ireland. None of these things would have taken place for them before I began my own travel. So in a way, my choice 4 years ago added so much to all our lives.
Life isn’t always a box we can fit our expectations of life in. I never expected to have a child right out of college and be navigating parenthood when I was practically a kid myself. I never expected to have marriages that didn’t last til we were old and shriveled. I thought love was the most amazing thing on the planet. I never expected to fail at it. I didn’t expect to get so sick that I was in bed for 5 months with dozens of travel magazines to keep me occupied. I never expected…and I didn’t plan. But there is a time for all of us I think when we can CHOOSE where our lives will meander. Not just with travel. There are many factors we can’t choose due to economics, etc. and maybe those things make travel impossible for some, but we can always always always choose not to live in that box. I know there isn’t a box that can hold me now…..or my expectations.
Until next time, happy travels and kisses from me.